my first steps into the real world..

did you know that what my mum shouted at me over the phone?? i called her the other day, cos Taylor's Accounts Dept seemed to have made a mistake with my payments.. i totally am not cool with dealing with all these snobbish poker-faced oney-minded f%^&#$@ staff.. granted not all of themare like this, thank god!! or else, i'd have died.. but i digress.. after a thorough ticking off from her, she said, "you think everyone is like an angel like you arh??! *sounding really mad* grow up lar!!!" okay, so that go tme thinking?? me an angel?? woah, hang on.. i'm no angel, man.. but now i think i kinda get what she was trying to say lar..

what she meant was my naive outlook on life.. my reasoning is that, if i'm nice to other people, they will be nice to me too.. after all, they always say, treat people the way you want to be treated.. so i try to be a sweet accomodating person.. sure, i knew that things might not be so hot sometimes.. but nothing prepared me for this.. i guess knowing it and experiencing it i two totally different matters huh?? just like our lab experiments.. haha.. now i'm just wondering what kind of a fool was i then.. hmm.. a stupid naive one i guess.. lol..

i was taught that crying would not help anything.. you've got to get down and clear up the dirty mess yourself.. so i was taught not to cry.. the only time i am allowed to do that is when mum ticks me off real bad.. i'm not a tap like xixi (lol..sowee dear.. ) and jiang can confirm that.. he likes to annoy me and not her cos he knows that he can get away with that.. i won't burst into tears..

i hate myself for crying.. for being so weak.. thanks a lot, Miss T.. you managed to produce fast results.. not bad..hmm, let's see, that makes you a lot better than those bitches in my high school.. but i really got to hand it to you.. man, do you have the guts.. way to go girl.. you did what you had to.. i don't blame you.. but sorry, Lydia, i can't accept this-

I know that by this time, you and your friends might think that I'm so
totally a bad person. Someone that judge people just like that. Without
considering other things.

you are one to talk.. you just did the same thing with me.. is that not what you did?? you ASSUMED that i'm starting a cold war with you, ASSUMED that i am bullying you.. let's clear the air a bit first, i am not like that at all.. i try to be nice..but do you have any idea how much all that hurt?? girl, your friends think that i'm bullying you.. and you silently compared me to a devil for making your living space Hell as you said.. so, if that's what i get for my efforts, can you give me a good reason why i should coninue to be nice?? hey, even i get tired.. i'm still human, okay.. which means, i forgive, but i might not forget that easily.. who knows?? i gave you sincerity and you cut me up.. am i really that bad?? you said i made your heaven hell.. what about my heaven??? granted i didn't have one, and looks like there will never be one for me too.. i'm such a bad person after all.. daring enough to bully a senior like you..

you think i do not know how this will affect both of us?? please do not forget that iam also here to get my CALs.. and i'm a weak student too.. you know, i wasjust thinking how funny this is.. you hate me so much that you want me out.. and now, you are hoping that i will go back.. so.. which order should i comply with??

and thus, i took me first steps into this cruel world.. my lesson= don't bother being nice.. people all leave their hearts at home..this is to protect themselves from hurting.. hahaha..

hurt is like a cold sliver knifing your heart, mind and soul..

tears are like rain fallling to balm the pain,

anger is the white hot flame that appears while the wound is healing,

forgiveness is the best bandage you could buy,

and scars are testimony of your survival after the ordeal..